These days, I find myself feeling beyond blessed to be able to live a life of relative freedom, adventure and travel.
But it wasn’t always this way.
It’s kind of hard for me to write this post, but I think it’s important for anyone struggling with difficult issues to understand that I (and probably most of you) have been there before. This is my story, and this is how I overcame it.
I grew up in Hawaii in a house with my mother, step-father, step-brother and two half siblings.
My step-father and I have never really gotten along (to put it mildly). To tell the truth, I was repeatedly emotionally abused most of my life, by both he, and his son.
I can remember my stepfather telling me, at 12, that I was going to end up a stripper, a nobody and a “stain on society.” That I’d end up pregnant at 16, that I’d be disgusting, become a drug addict and that no one would love me.
I was always criticized for my weight, even at my thinnest points, and it’s something I struggled with for years.
But here’s the thing: People who put you down, have power only when you allow them to have it.
And it took me YEARS to understand this.
One day I had an epiphany: I would no longer allow their words to affect me in the heart-crushing, soul-shattering way that they had.
I was strong, I was beautiful, I was loveable, and more importantly, I had a great future ahead of me. I just had to own it–And this realization changed everything for me.
I began to slowly put one foot in front of the other and rebuild my self-confidence.
I would stare at myself in the mirror everyday and tell myself that I was pretty and that I was strong.
And eventually, I started really believing it.
I started eating better, taking better care of myself and getting into things that made me happy: like surfing, and writing poetry. I found outlets to get it all out, the good, and the bad, and my friends were huge in that way as well.
I used their insults as fuel, and became determined to be better than they ever were.
They could tell. I knew they no longer got the same satisfaction in putting me down, because I no longer allowed those words to enter me.
I moved out of my house three days after I graduated, and I’ve been working hard as a journalist, and now as a traveling lady, ever since.
To this day, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the satisfaction of seeing my first front page article published in the daily paper (and watching my stepfathers reaction to reading it).
photo credit: akshay moon
And it’s funny how things turn.
Yesterday I log in to Go! Girl Guides, to find a comment left by my stepfather, congratulating me and telling me how successful he thinks the project will be.
Nice gesture, yes. But mostly, my reaction is:
HA! Now you want to be sweet and proud, now you want to claim that you’re related to me? HA!
Rebuilding from your past can be extremely difficult. I sometimes look back on it all and wonder why it had to be so hard for me. But I understand now, that those were just lessons that I needed to learn. And I’m thankful that I did.
If you are going through something similar, or are trying to mend some deep scars, I want you to know you’re not alone.
You are not a product of your past.
You can do anything.
You can travel.
You have talent.
You are beautiful.
And if you ever need a friend, well, you know where to find me.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
A heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing.
Well said, Kelly. I admire you for doing this post. I think it may be of great help to many who read it.
Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you.
Thank you christopher. I’m glad it helped. Tough to write, but I thank you all for your kind words!
Powerful and inspiring words, lady. It’s wonderful to read them. They come at a good time. I’ve been needing a damn friend for about a year. Your stepfather will never have the power over you that he once did because you chose to take ownership of your life. Keep shining and striving hard, honey.
Bravo, Kelly. This will be an inspiration to many who read it. I’m going to spread the word.
Well done to you for overcoming all that. You are a path to success Kelly and anyone can see that. It is great that you are now holding out the hand of friendship to anyone that needs it.
Well done on this post!
Very honest and brave of you to write this. You GO girl! Thanks for sharing what must be some of your innermost fears and feelings, and I hope that someone who may have gone through a tough time reads this and finds it inspirational and starts to believe that they are beautiful, talented and capable of doing anything!
It takes some guts to write a post like that! Well done for overcoming it!
What a brave post Kelly, I can’t imagine how it must feel it grow up in a household like that but you should be so proud of who you have become.
awesome and inspiring work that you leapt these walls placed in front of you to achieve what you are doing now.
Empathise with you Kelly. I could have written similar, but these days the downers I got when growing up really made me stronger, like you, and in a strange way contributed to our success, as they have for yourself. You rose above it.
The sad thing is, there are those that don’t and remain victims all their lives. Hopefully, what you have written, is read by others, and inspires a change in them.
Thanks Jim. I can only hope the same as well! Your kind words on this post (all of you) have really, really meant a lot to me. Thanks so much to you all.
This was beautiful, yet so hard to read. I’m so proud of what you’ve become despite negative influences trying to bring you down.
Kelly, I can definitely relate to this post, I always said “I’d rather someone hit me, then say words to me that linger” I guess they call us “the survivors” because we didn’t allow our past make take over our lives. Thanks for sharing
Deb
Thanks for sharing Kelly. I myself believe in the power of affirmations and I am so glad you made it work!
That sounds like a very rough past. You really have overcome enormous obstacles and shaped yourself as an amazing woman. I was really moved by your post and honoured to have been given an insight into those terrible years.
Try not to begrudge your stepfather’s pride. It sounds like he hasn’t got much light in his life. And you don’t need any extra negativity, just let it flow past you as you continue living your wonderful self-made life.
Openhearted and moving. Good for you to have the right attitude about it all…. and move on! Proud of you.
Thank you so much to all of you for your kind words. It was a hard time in my life, but I’m past it, and this article was really meant to inspire others who may be stuck in the thick of struggle that there really is a way out. I love all of you for dropping in and for responding with all you’ve said! Some of your comments have literally brought me to tears and I’m very glad to know all of you.
I’m so glad I ran into this post today. I really needed it. Thank you for writing it 😀
A really great, inspirational post. I can imagine this would be very difficult to write, but I’m sure a lot of people really appreciated your openness.
Kelly, This one touches me. I grew up living with my mom and stepfather, seeing my dad on weekends and holidays. My stepfather and I had a difficult and strained relationship. Today, with my mom deceased we rarely speak. He was always super critical and negative of me. Thankfully I had many other supportive, loving family members.
I remember him denouncing my desire to live overseas as ridiculous and unrealisitic. It was with great joy and pride that I moved abroad on my own at 29 and lived overseas for nearly a decade, enjoying a successful life. That success and joy in my accomplishment is something I will always treasure. Despite someone’s negativity and ugliness I created the life I desired. I’m happy for your success! Congratulations!
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