I slept in my clothes last night, for nearly 12 hours. The ocean is furious these past couple of days, it’s cold, windy and I am ever reminded that we are floating on top of a body of water that stretches down more than 14,000 feet.
For the first time last night, I was scared. Terrified, even. The ship has entered a storm in which the waves are ranging between 18 and 20 feet. Everything is rocking.
I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of drawers opening and slamming shut, to items falling off of shelves. Everything is alive in the middle of the night. Nothing seems all too safe.
Everyone talks about finding your “sea legs,” in regards to becoming used to the motion of the ocean, and getting over the rough period of four or five days when you’re seasick, and everything is sideways.
I don’t feel sea sick any longer, but I’m still struggling with my “sea legs”—I don’t yet trust the ocean. I don’t yet feel confident that in the middle of the night this ship is not going to split in half. I don’t laugh when we hit large bumps—or when students go flying from one end of the ship to the other. I stay silent in my muster drills.
It’s equally amazing and terrifying to be sailing across the Atlantic ocean. Some days I crawl out of my tiny windowless office near the front of the ship, and look out to see whales swimming past me. Some days I see dolphins, I see sunshine, I see rainbows even. I look outside and everything is water. There’s no land near here for days.
I know I’ll grow to be more and more comfortable with the ocean, and I know one day the “what if’s” in my head will quiet down. I do feel empowered, and confident, taking part in a journey like this. I feel clear headed, and I dream all night.
Right now we’re passing Iceland, a country I’ve always dreamt about visiting, and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a tiny part of me that wanted to jump into the ocean and swim to shore. Every moment on this ship is something new for me, and I am so grateful for that. In a couple of days we will reach Galway, Ireland, and I’ll be getting off of the ship to travel overland to Dublin for a few days. I’m excited to see a shoreline again, and to touch my first bit of stable land in 8 days.
Until then, I’ll keep sleeping in my clothes, at least until the storm is over….just in case.
PS- Don’t worry Mom, I’m 55 percent sure I’ll be just fine.
Photo taken by Patrick Cavan Brown, our amazing on-board ship photographer.
